mere_vanilla

Originally posted on October 24th 2014 to my tumblr blog

(To the tune of "Robot Hell" from Futurama. Full of fandom-specific jokes and language. Note: this is a long post, and the space bar is your friend)

Jedite: Oh crap, senshi. Mind if I scheme?

Sailor Mercury: Scheming's evil, you shan't do it, we'll find ways to override your wiles. What a bad mini-boss, just a character wrapped up in chaos. Cool your head in flunky hell!

Sailor Mars: Misogyny's wrong and so is thieving, so is forging phony friendships too! Let's let your fortune now decide what type of result we'll abide here in flunky hell! --Ooh, deep-fried sexist!

Jedite: Just tell me why?

Sailor Jupiter: Please read this 55-page transcript.

Jedite: There must be flunkies worse than I.

Sailor Jupiter: We watched all seasons, there really aren't-- (cue Prince Diamonde waving). Eugh

Jedite: Then please let me explain: my schemes were merely mini-boss pranks!

Sailor Jupiter: You stole from youma, civilians, and your own ranks!

Jedite: Don't blame me, blame my brainwashing--

Sailor Jupiter: Please stop scheming while we're singing.

Sailor Venus: Selling bootleg taped concerts is wrong, musicians need that broadcast to revive!

The Three Lights: Hey Jedite, gonna make senshi delight with your plans scratched by The Three Lights! That's what'cha-what'cha-what'cha get in season five!

Zoicite: What is this, jail?

Kunzite: It's up to us to rescue him!

Zoicite: Maybe he prefers flunky hell?

Kunzite: It's us who outdid him.

Zoicite: Perhaps he back with Queen Beryl?

Kunzite: C'mon Zoi, let's take flight! I'm sure we'll win this fight, so just embrace Chaos's might--

Zoicite: My sass has blisters from the light!

Sailor Moon: Stealing crystals, fixing cat-fights, purchasing indecent manga-zines (flourishes Sailor Moon doujinshi)--

All Senshi: You'll repent every crime, knee-deep in your own slime, censored in the 90s so kids think you're fine, stuck forever here in flunky hell!

(Close with Nephrite eating a parfait, all alone)