Adulting! Part Four of Infinity

[mere_vanilla]

It's been very difficult feeling like I fit in here. I started crying last night about how much I miss the routine of where we used to live (ease of access to many different parts of the area, such as being less than 30 minutes away from any given place). I'm still trying to feel like a real person, too. I've only met one of the neighbors and they seem very nice and--

I'm scared that my lack of self-esteem is going to push everyone else away. I was bullied a lot as a kid/teenager, and ostracized, so I don't really know how to talk to other people very well. As such, I don't know how to socialize outside of a few safe topics, and that's it.



I've been using the CPAP, finally! It's very nice not to have a headache all the time, and the general feeling of exhaustion/burnout in my stomach/chest is noticeably more manageable. I'm still sleepy during the day, but it's not the same kind of tired as I was before--the way I described it to husband last night was that I no longer feel like I'm "dragging my desiccated carcass around". I worry that my positive results are just a fluke, and the comfort will disappear as soon as I mention it in a more concrete way (shrug emoji). I... don't think I'm having dreams, though, so that's a bit weird for me! It's a trade-off I'm okay with, however. I'd rather be more functional during the day sans dreams, if I'm being absolutely honest.

Kiddo is continuing with developmental milestones, and husband and I basically just happily squee with each other over it and/or basically behave like Maes Hughes from Fullmetal Alchemist.

I'm also branching out into following more communities on dreamwidth. It's such a nice change of pace from tumblr, to be honest--and I still like tumblr, and interacting with individual folks over there, but... the fire hose aspect of it made feeling like I'm part of any kind of community virtually unfeasible. As horse_ebooks put it (before? the account was bought out): "everything happens so much".

I'm still working on proper time management, so that I can optimize the day, instead of waiting around for free time to just "happen" to me. We continue to unpack our stuff, slow and steady, and make plans for the future we want to have.