mere_vanilla | (no subject)

I keep feeling like I'm running out of time to make stuff that's a) relevant in my fandom of choice and b) well-received in my fandom of choice (as what's considered "acceptable" in a young fandom has changed, and the concept of boundaries between creator and consumer doesn't seem to exist).

I feel like I have no time to hammer out the details of what I want to do and make. "The day is going to be over with soon," I think, "and then it'll be time to go to bed and sleep poorly and get nothing relevant to my interests done." I can't sit down for the entire day and be left alone to create and fine-tune things. I'm too self-aware and too self-conscious of my lack of time: I'm so busy freaking out about the possibility of kiddo waking up early from the nap that I get paralyzed by that fear.

I don't have time to work on the scarf I want to finish before moving; I don't have time to write; I don't have time to be at all comfortable.